How to be myself?
This might sound like a serious case of existential crisis, who am I, who do I want to become? But hold on, it is not a crisis at all and rather a good thing to happen, like a moment of clarity in a non esoteric way.
First of all, in order to live like you are, you have to know who you are. And that might be not as easy as it sounds, especially in that kind of hectic world we live in these days. Who really has the time to explore themselves and question their actions to adjust ther lifestyle eventually and in time? And then, years later one might look back and think about their descisions in life and why they were made.
When I was 16, I had the idea of moving abroad to the US and live my life there. I could not imagine anything better than experiencing a foreign country and at the same time, I dreamt about a big house, a nice car and a white collar career in a big company, suited up and everything. 11 years later I was getting closer, my career was kicking off and I had the opportunity to relocate from Germany to Denmark. Not the big step across the ocean and not the biggest career, but living abroad and be able to make a decent living of my salary I got going for me. Then, after a few years I was getting more and more into that weird habit of starting more and more hobbies besides work. Drawing on a graphic tablet, writing a book, taking archery classes, kayaking, sailing, photography and now I am actually taking violin classes and everything is creative and fun.
I started to question myself… which life descisions I made were based on my personality and contribut to personal fulfilment and which ones I made just because that’s what society and my surroundings would expect from me.
Me... is being free!
At my job I had the opportunity to take several personality tests while on workshops and teambuildings, like Myer Briggs JTI, Hofstede 6D and some 360 degree surveys, they all came to the same conclusion. I hate regulation and rules, I love to be creative and more in general, I am a very strong individualist and just want to live the most unregulated life possible. I am not structured, can’t even properly update my calender or can’t book a vacation half a year in advance. Who tells me that I still want to go there in half a year? That’s madness!
So looking back at my life so far, I surely can’t complain, but I also realised that the whole career part and thrive for a good social standing according to nowadays norms gives me nothing. For basically my whole life I thought that materialistic things matter, that a nice car, a house and a well payed job matter, that this is the key to self fulfillment. How wrong I was… Fast forward, sitting in my 27ft, 30 year old boat with a diesel heater and the smallest kitchen mankind has seen, living in 14 sqm just above the water line, I miss nothing and could not be happier right now.
That’s who I am, that’s who I need to be!
Over the course of 2 years I will work to untie more and more lines until I am able to set off and be free, travelling the vast and endless oceans… that’s just what I want to do.